9 warning signs you are in an abusive relationship

We often hear stories of women who find themselves in an abusive relationship and wonder how they could have let these things happen to them.  We always seem to have all the answers including what they should have done, until one day we find ourselves in the same place as the women in the stories.

Warning signs you are in your warning sign

 I am one of these women. After marriage, I found myself in an abusive relationship and for years didn’t know what to do to get out. It eventually led to me getting a divorce. In this post, I will share my experiences to help other women to recognize the signs of abuse and to know that they can escape an abusive relationship.

According to dictionary.com abuse is the improper use of something. I am going to say that abuse is the improper treatment of someone.

How to tell you are in an Abusive Relationship

 One of the most recognized forms of abuse is physical abuse and that is because it’s the one form of abuse that cannot hide its symptoms. If your hand or foot is broken, your eyes or lips are swollen then, of course, it can be seen.

Many women are being abused in their own relationships and don’t even realize it, simply because there may not be any physical abuse involved.

When I was growing up, anytime my friends and I or my sisters and I would get in a disagreement we often recite this saying

“Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can do me no harm”

As grew older and especially after marriage I quickly realized that there was no truth to that story. Sticks and stones can break your bones but words can really do harm and very serious harm too.

9 Warning Signs you’re in an Abusive Relationship

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There are many warning signs of being in an abusive relationship but I will share 9 of them based on the ones that I had to endure.

Physical Violence

This is how the abuse in my marriage started. A box/thump in the mouth for saying I was going to do something that he didn’t think that I should. Then came the sorry I will never do it again part. Don’t be fooled by that! It will continue if you don’t put a stop to it.  It turned into more black eyes and having a variety of objects thrown at you including water in your face. 

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If you are experiencing physical abuse in your relationship, you should LEAVE NOW. It is not going to stop and it may eventually reach the point where you will lose your life

If you are experiencing physical abuse in your relationship, you should LEAVE NOW. It is not going to stop and it may eventually reach the point where you will lose your life Click To Tweet

Call You negative names /Verbal Tirades

There were many times I wished I would have gotten a lick instead of hearing the barrage of negative words being spewed out of the mouth of the person who promised to love you. Words like :

“Your face looks like soursop”

“You are ugly”

“ You shape like a duck”

“ No other man will want you”

These are some of the words that I had to listen to on a daily basis some are too awful for me to even mention here. They did a number on my self-esteem taking it to the lowest low. 

I was suffering from acne and after the pimples burst, I have left with spots hence the soursop description.  Coupled with that I was short, I am about 5ft 1” and I do have an ample behind, I was referred to as duck. 

For me, this type of abuse was the worst for me as it brought me to a place where I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I was going through life in slow motion.

If this is you right now LEAVE the abusive relationship.

Keep you from visiting family or friends

One of the things I had to endure was not seeing my family and friends when I wanted to. Oftentimes whenever I decided I would go and visit my mother I was told that I couldn’t go and of course, because I was afraid of him, I didn’t go. The same applied for friends that I ended up alienated my closest friends during that period of marriage.

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Take back things given to you when he gets angry

I had a lot of so-called gifts taken back especially when he was angry with me. Cellular phones were the famous ones for getting taken back. They were kept from me for about three days.  I even had a laptop taken back just days before I needed to get my tests printed for my class. Other items included a camera.  To overcome that I made sure all the things I need were bought with my own money so that it couldn’t be taken back.

9 warning signs you are in an abusive relationship

Threaten to take something you need if you don’t do what he wants

For me, this was the jeep I was driving to take my children to school and myself to work. It was how I got around. He was the one that bought it for me. However, when he was upset I could not use it how I wanted. I was threatened with sayings like come back to wash the dishes or bring back the vehicle. Then it would be like, give me my keys and I would have to walk and catch the bus. This is definitely a sign that you are in an abusive relationship.

Not wanting to be seen in public with you.

We didn’t go out publicly where we would be seen together except for church but even then we sat in separate seats far from each other.  This was his way of showing how much he was disgusted by the sight of me.  Instead, he would go out with his other women and even their children.

Not wanting you to further your education

After I finished Teacher Training, I decided I wanted to do a Bachelor’s Degree.  The thought was frowned upon as he didn’t want me to do it. He thought that I would have to leave the country and even after I explained that I could do it here he remained unsupported. Fortunately for me, I did not back down and pursued my goals.

Take away your access to utilities

Even now I would still wince at the memory of this. Being a teacher, I would often use the internet a lot to get ideas for my classes. He had an issue with me being on the computer even though it was in a position in the house where the screen is visible to anyone who cares to look. In addition, I was conducting research for a textbook I was writing at the time. His plan to restrict my access was to walk with the modem for the internet whenever he left the house including going to work so I that I was not able to use the computer effectively.

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Giv you a curfew for your phone

I was told that I couldn’t be on my phone anytime past 10:30 pm. If I did not adhere to the curfew, my phone would be taken away. This right here is a very obvious sign of being in an abusive relationship.

Not giving  you Money

I could no longer go to the supermarket to do grocery shopping because I wasn’t supposed to spend his money. First, I would be given the money but I would have to provide a receipt of how I spent the money. Eventually, it got to the point where he would go grocery shopping himself. I was not given money to do anything for myself. If I wanted it I had to find a way to get it. This could be especially difficult if you alone are paying the mortgage and it is taking up the majority of your salary.

Are you in an Abusive Relationship?

As you can see from my experiences, being in an abusive relationship doesn’t only include physical abuse but there was emotional abuse as well. I was able to recognize the signs and eventually made the decision to leave.

Do you recognize any of the signs above? If you do then you are in an abusive relationship and it is time for you to make a decision. See how I made my decision by reading To Divorce or not That is the Question

 One of the things I found out about an abuser is that they are never wrong and they make you out to be the one who is always at fault. That means that they are not willing to accept their abusive behaviours in an effort to correct the situation. However, the power is in your hands!

ABUSE IS NEVER OK! No matter what form it takes. GET OUT and GET HELP!

ABUSE IS NEVER OK! No matter what form it takes. GET OUT and GET HELP! Click To Tweet
Anthea Thomas Signatute

6 thoughts on “9 Warning Signs You are in An Abusive Relationship

  1. Incredible! I think we would be truly surprised if we could see just how many women secretly are suffering from an abusive relationship. I commend you for taking your experiences to enlight others. I was in an abusive relationship once and it was verbal & emotional at first then it turned violently physical. It took years to break away from it. Once I did I felt so stupid for staying as long as I had, but, I was stocked full of fear, as most women I am sure are right now. The lies you believe: they’re going to change, this won’t last forever, it’s all my fault… and so on are the trap. I’m sharing because I am certain someone needs to see this today!

    1. Nicole, thank you ,I am glad you had the courage and decided to leave as I did. I do agree that there are many more women who need to hear our story so they too would be inspired to get the courage to end the abuse. I hope to help many women through this site. Let us keeping sharing!

  2. Such a powerful post, I am sure there are so many people that are not even aware that they are in an abusive relationship because so many of us are guilty of only thinking about the physical element to abuse

    1. Thanks Claire, that is so true, hope that persons will now realize that there are many other ways that a person can be abused.

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